The 9-5 taste

I've been hustling the 8-5 Monday to Friday for the past 2 months now. Things are great, I have an income where I don't have to stress about paying my bills, and I can go shopping if I please. I know the wise decision would be to pay my student loans back soon as possible, but I know myself well enough to know I cannot not go shopping.

I love my job and start my position next week in the marketing department which I'm highly looking forward to. Since I tend to get bored of routine quickly a move to a new position came just in time. I feel like I've really succeeded at my postion and have received nothing but positive feedback from my co-workers and bosses.

All in all everythings great, but of course doesn't mean life is just perfect and I'm someone who can't complain. I have this fear that's just been slowly taking bites at me. Fear that I'm going to wake up one day 29 years-old and pregnant. Pregnant and have the realization that I've been working the typical 9-5 just to pay my bills. A life without any adventures or traveling. That's probably my biggest fear. It's so easy to say I will do it one day.

I could just be not used to coming home with nothing to do besides go workout which does get boring quickly. It sucks not being in school and learning something new. I've been reading a lot lately, but now thats even fading away. I have no plans to travel anywhere right now, but a trip to anywhere would make me so happy right now!

Sticks and Stones Break Bones But These Words Hurt Me

Decided I would do my weekly phone call to my Mother while sitting in traffic on the way home from work today. Figured it would keep my mind off getting annoyed by the everyday traffic on the 55, and boy that conversation sure did.

She had a sense of calm tone in her voice from the begenning of the conversation, but I assumed it was because the weather has been in tripple digits leaving just about everyone in not only heat that sucks the life out of you, but humity that could drain the patience and happiness out of everyone.

My Mom and I carried along with our usual casual conversation about work, how her visit to uncle Matt's was in Palm Springs. And how Kaela swam with all the gays and lesbians at the party and my mom forgot her camera to even take a picture of it. I can picture my sister at a pool party with a bunch of happy hyper gays who adore my rambunctious and energy infections 7 year-old little sister who thrives off the word poop and fart.

Then my Mom asked me if I had recently talked to Grammie.I had only for a few seconds about a week ago while making small talk while she was at the street fair. My Mom said, "Grammie has a tumor near her thyroid and finds out the results Tuesday at the doctors and she wants me to go with her." The words came out so fast I didn't have enough time to comprehend or react with any emotion. Can't even remember what I said or even that I was driving or where I was.

When in a panic or state of shock I'm usually very calm. It didn't hit me till minutes after I hung up the phone with my Mom that my Grandma could possibly have cancer. That's when the swelling of my throat tightened and it felt like when you're a kid and you want to cry, but don't want your classmates to make fun of you.

I couldn't help but let my thought process continue to the thought of losing my Grandma. I've been so blessed my entire life to have both grandparents around me while growing up. I've even had the chance to meet my Mom's biological parents making me feel as though I've had 6 grandparents. I've always felt so spoiled with love as a kid a still do. Fortunetly I haven't gone through the loss of a loved one, even my Mom hasn't yet.

I only hope and pray that everything will be alright, but mostly hope and pray that Grammie's handling it okay herself. If I know her correctly as I should since I've lived with her more than half my life, she's definately scared. The more I age, the more I'm aware that this is life. Nothing hurts more than words that say your loved ones state of health is at risk.