once again that same feeling...being at the bar grossed out by all the grossness around you. like youre at the bar and your scum on the wall. so over going to the fucking bar once again. and ive had this exact same feeling and started having a bf just because i wanted to avoid this feeling. but then the feeling with the boyfriend was a eeling i real;ized that was never there. always trying to fill a void. Yes im happy, but yes i feel like ive always been seraching and always will be searching for something more fufillinlg. I've had moments where i feel completely entirely happy with myself and where i feel totally lost. I dont feel lost but I def do not feel fufilled. have very little expections for men. Would love to be a mom, one day, but would want entirely to make a beaufitul family. nothing last forever and that swhat scares the shit out of me.
life is full of phases and ups and downs or at least mine is for sure. like i told one of my best guy friends tonight "dont fake the funk, and dont make too much effort in a place you dont mean to. " idk
guess my current state of life has tripped me ot in a way that "oh the places youll go and th people youll lmeet" ive met so many "new people" in the last 2 months it is absolute crazy. the whole gotye song "now your just somebody that i used to know " stuck a dagger in my heart when i broke up with joey, i realized wow what hurts the most is that people mean so much to eacho ther at one point in their life and with a switch its just somebody that yo used to know......the pople in your life stick who are meant to be there. ive let some people or a person stick in my life for way longer than welcome. its brought nothing but negative into my life, but for some reason i just like to let that little bit of negative shine it. to make myself feel better about myself? because i really thought htat person knew me better than ayone else in the world? because that person abused me and has a spell over me? idk and will never know but i have so muhc built up anger towards not that person but myself for letting that person break me down so hard.
life is full of phases and ups and downs or at least mine is for sure. like i told one of my best guy friends tonight "dont fake the funk, and dont make too much effort in a place you dont mean to. " idk
guess my current state of life has tripped me ot in a way that "oh the places youll go and th people youll lmeet" ive met so many "new people" in the last 2 months it is absolute crazy. the whole gotye song "now your just somebody that i used to know " stuck a dagger in my heart when i broke up with joey, i realized wow what hurts the most is that people mean so much to eacho ther at one point in their life and with a switch its just somebody that yo used to know......the pople in your life stick who are meant to be there. ive let some people or a person stick in my life for way longer than welcome. its brought nothing but negative into my life, but for some reason i just like to let that little bit of negative shine it. to make myself feel better about myself? because i really thought htat person knew me better than ayone else in the world? because that person abused me and has a spell over me? idk and will never know but i have so muhc built up anger towards not that person but myself for letting that person break me down so hard.
